


Unraveling Expectations

by auroraphilealis (peachrosepetals)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2009 fic, Communication, First Kiss, First Meetings, Getting Together, M/M, October 19th anniversary, Phandom Fic Fests: Bingo, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 17:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16246676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachrosepetals/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: Phil’s been flirting with Dan for months by the time he finally comes to visit Phil in Manchester, only Phil had insisted they not make anything official between them until they’d actually met in person. Phil had been hoping that would take the pressure off of them to do anything they’d talked about on Skype, only something seems to be off about Dan. Phil just wants Dan to be comfortable, no matter what that means.





	Unraveling Expectations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imnotinclinedtomaturity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotinclinedtomaturity/gifts).



> I originally wrote this as a cheer up fic for [imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) when she wasn’t feeling so great, and I had no plans to post it: but then Kat went and edited it and decided it needed to be posted, so I did a revamp on it and it doubled in size. Kat hasn’t actually seen the new version of it yet, so other than an initial beta job by her (thank you so much love!) any remaining mistakes are entirely my own! Also hopefully when she reads it she’ll like this version even better lol. 
> 
> And what better time to post a first meeting fic *cough october 19 cough* then in October? I can’t bring myself to wait until the actuaaaaal day though, so enjoy some early celebration of a certain anniversary. 
> 
> Fill for the phandomficfests bingo 2018, word prompt: Communication.

Meeting Dan that morning had been surreal enough. For months, he’d been nothing more than an image on the other side of the computer screen, a dozen broken pixels over the internet and a really shitty skype connection. The idea of touching him, of actually being able to _feel_ Dan’s warmth next to Phil’s side, had seemed absolutely ludicrous.

But then the morning of Dan’s _actual visit_ had come, and Phil had woken up early to head down to the train station and pick Dan up. Phil had stood nervously next to the restrooms, his eyes glued to his cell phone as he waited for Dan to text him back and tell him where he was. Dan had found Phil first, and that was the moment it had all become real.

The first gentle touch of Dan’s fingers, cautious against Phil’s shoulder, had felt like fire against Phil’s skin, and he’d turned with wide eyes, unable to believe that Dan was actually _there_.

They hadn’t exactly embraced.

Well, they had. Sort of.

The second that Phil had realized who was touching him, he’d turned and thrown his arms around Dan frantically, desperate to finally touch the boy he’d been crushing on for _ages_ now. Dan had embraced him back with the awkwardness of a mere acquaintance, something that Phil was entirely unaccustomed too, and he’d drawn away in complete embarrassment and worry that he’d done something wrong.

It’d only taken a moment for Phil to notice the clear apprehension and _terror_ written all over Dan’s face, and a part of him had relaxed. The tension that had begun to build in his shoulders, and the fervent apology sitting on the tip of his tongue, had dissolved into the realization that Dan must be _nervous_. His standoffishness wasn’t a slight against Phil, it was just the simple way Dan chose to protect himself.

Not that Phil could blame him. He was nervous too, he was just far more open about his feelings than Dan was. He ended up spending the majority of their afternoon clawing playfully at Dan, and leaning in far too close to his side for mere friends.

But they hadn’t talked about it - as in, you know _them_.

They hadn’t talked about what _they_ were, or what they _wanted_ to be, or if they were going to make any decisions at all tonight.

Phil had originally suggested they wait until they met in person to decide on any of it, but he’d neglected to mention that they didn’t have to decide right away. Now, Phil couldn’t help being a bit worried Dan might think they had to make up their minds _tonight_.

They didn’t have too, and that’s why Phil hadn’t said anything yet. He wanted to wait until Dan was a little more comfortable, until he didn’t look so awed and starstruck by the mere sight of Phil.

Still, meeting Dan that morning had been incredibly surreal, and Phil hadn’t stopped smiling since that first awkward hug. He was still smiling even now as he got changed in the bathroom in order to give Dan some privacy, and he knew he’d still be smiling by the time he headed to bed that night.

Freshly changed, Phil exited the bathroom and pushed open the door to his bedroom without so much as knocking - which, now that he thought about it, could have ended _terribly_. Phil didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on that, however, because as soon as he opened the door he found himself struck dumb.

Stood in the middle of his bedroom was Dan, shirtless and wearing nothing but a pair of black pajama bottoms. His hands were crossed protectively across his chest, hiding his bare skin, and he was rocking back and forth on his heels awkwardly as he stared back at Phil.

Phil couldn’t stop staring.

This was a sight that Phil had never seen before. Sure, they’d flirted over the internet before, undressed, and sent scandalous texts that bordered on _too_ sexual, but Phil had never seen Dan like this: open and vulnerable, and _actually_ stood right there in front of Phil.

There were no broken pixels left to distort the image of Dan, and if he really wanted too, he could reach forward and actually _touch_.

Just like he’d said he would over Skype.

“Oh,” Phil muttered, dumbfounded and frozen in the doorway of his bedroom, unsure what to do. He felt like somehow he was pressuring Dan. Had Dan taken his shirt off to impress Phil, or because he’d thought Phil was expecting it of him?

The very thought of it horrified Phil.

For how bold and brazen they’d been online, they really hadn’t done much today. Mostly, it’d been because Dan had looked so incredibly terrified to do _anything_ , and Phil had wanted to respect that, but also it was because Phil hadn’t wanted to make Dan feel pressured.

They’d flirted some, and Phil, tactile guy that he was, hadn’t been able to keep his hands completely off of Dan, but he hadn’t pushed him. He’d mostly just pressed their shoulders together, or bumped their hips while they were walking. A few times, their fingers had brushed, and they’d both blushed, but neither had been brave enough to actually reach out and twine their fingers together.

When they were sat, their thighs always pressed tight together, regardless of where they were or how much space there was around them.

So to see Dan stood shirtless in front of Phil like this, when the rest of the morning he’d looked so genuinely _nervous_ , made Phil feel kind of horrible.

Especially because he couldn’t help _really_ liking what he was seeing.

“Is this okay?” Dan finally asked, interrupting Phil’s train of thought. His voice sounded shaky and unsure, which only served to make Phil feel even worse. It didn’t help that he was refusing to meet Phil’s gaze.

“Yeah, of course!” Phil yelped quickly, his voice high pitched with nerves. The last thing he wanted was to make Dan feel _bad_ about standing in the middle of Phil’s room shirtless! But he also didn’t want Dan to feel like he _had_ to do this.

Dan had joked over skype that he slept naked, but that had been mostly harmless flirting, and Phil had no idea if it was actually true.

Finally stepping into the room, Phil tripped over his too big feet, and shuffled shyly to Dan’s side. He ached to reach out and _touch_ , to brush his fingers down Dan’s arm, to pull him into his embrace and _kiss_ him, but he stopped himself before he could.

Dan didn’t seem to actually like being touched, as much as he’d claimed he did over skype. Maybe he was just nervous, Phil didn’t know, but Phil was following Dan’s lead, here, and he wasn’t going to push it any further than what they’d already done today. Reaching for Dan when he was half naked felt a lot like pushing it.

“I can - I can put a shirt on if it’s making you uncomfortable,” Dan mumbled after another tense moment had passed, still refusing to look at Phil. His arms twitched violently against his chest, and Phil could see the way his body shook.

He didn’t have a chance to reply before Dan shifted and made a start towards his luggage, as if he were going to grab a shirt and just end this awkward encounter before it could get any worse.

Phil bit his lip, not wanting that, but also wanting it if _Dan_ wanted it. He just needed to be comfortable. His own desires didn’t matter.

But before Dan could even take a single step, his knees locked and he stilled completely, eyes glued to the floor. Phil felt a wave of unease and concern wash over him. Why had Dan stopped? Was it because he felt pressured by Phil?

Fuck.

Tentatively, Phil reached out and touched Dan’s shoulder with the very tips of his fingers. Dan jumped, despite Phil’s attempts to avoid scaring him, and the sight made Phil flinch back himself.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil murmured softly, trying to keep the tremble out of his own voice. “Really. I don’t mind.” He chuckled awkwardly, unable to help himself, but the sound fell flat. Dan didn’t so much as offer Phil a smile in return. Horrified at himself, Phil cleared his throat and tried again. “Whatever is most comfortable for you.”

Dan bit his lip, his eyes flickering up to meet Phil’s gaze for the briefest of seconds, before he glanced away again. Phil could see that he was _still_ shaking, but on top of that he was gnawing at the already bruised and bloody skin of his bottom lip the same way he had been all day.

Phil wished he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t seem to stop _staring_ , and he felt terrible about it. _He_ wanted to be the one gnawing on Dan’s bottom lip, and that felt like an entirely disrespectful thought in a moment such as this.

The urge to reach out and drag Dan’s bottom lip out from his bottom teeth almost overwhelmed Phil then, but he held it in. He wasn’t sure if even _that_ was acceptable right now.

Unsure of what else to do, Phil shuffled over to his bed and sat down. “Sit,” he prompted gently, crossing his own long legs on top of the sheets, and patting the space in front of him invitingly. He tried to give Dan a sympathetic, understanding smile, but Dan _still_ wasn’t looking at him. He looked to be twisting his fingers against his skin as he stood staring at the carpet.

Unsure what else to do, Phil just waited for Dan to make another move.

Eventually he did, shuffling over to the bed as well and finally sitting down in front of Phil. Dan didn’t cross his legs on top of the sheets, however. He let them hang off the end of the bed, refusing to turn his body towards Phil, and _still_ avoiding his gaze.

Dan’s arms were still crossed over his chest, giving Phil the distinct impression that being shirtless wasn’t actually very comfortable at all for Dan.

Hiding a sigh, Phil bit his lip and started picking at the cotton of his bedsheets. As the moments pushed on, Phil was beginning to feel more and more convinced that Dan was only doing this to _impress_ him or something. Was he trying to be the boy he’d projected on Skype? Phil wished he could make Dan understand that Phil didn’t care if Dan was equally as confident in person as he was over a video camera, but he didn’t know how to say it without making Dan feel even _worse_ than he clearly already was.

“Dan,” he eventually whispered softly, waiting patiently until Dan had finally looked up at him before he continued. He kept his hands to himself, despite how badly he itched to reach out and tip Dan’s chin up to him, how badly he wanted to cup his cheek, and soothe all of his worries away. “You don’t - we don’t -” he stuttered, sighing and cutting himself off as he realized he _really_ didn’t know how to say this. Frustrated with himself, Phil shook his head before trying again.

“I’m not expecting anything of you, you know. You don’t have to try so hard for me,” he reassured quietly, hoping that Dan would understand.

Unfortunately, that was apparently the _wrong_ thing to say, as Dan’s eyes suddenly grew wide as saucers and his cheeks flushed so darkly he almost looked _humiliated_. His body looked poised for flight.

Horrified, Phil reached out, ready to touch Dan’s shoulder and try to soothe away his worries, when Dan quite suddenly launched himself off of Phil’s bed. Phil barely had a chance to _blink_ before Dan was rifling through his rucksack for a shirt to wear.

“Wait, Dan!” Phil called, his voice much too loud in the otherwise piercing silence of the room. He shoved himself off of his bad as well, and rushed to Dan’s side, desperate to calm him with some kind of touch, but terrified that he wasn’t allowed. Raising his arms hesitantly, Phil sort of reached for Dan, and paused as he scrambled for something to say. “Dan, that’s not what I meant, I -”

“It’s okay, Phil,” Dan interrupted him quickly, his voice quivering as he continued rifling through his clothes, back turned to Phil. His shoulders were tense, the long expanse of exposed, tanned skin sending a pleasant zing through Phil that he worked to push away. “It’s fine. I understand. I’ll just get dressed, and then -”

Dan’s words were interrupted by a heart wrenching choking sound, as Dan seemed to trip over an emotion lodged in his throat. His hands stopped moving, and he dropped his rucksack rather abruptly, before shoving his face into his hands.

It was clear that Phil had well and truly embarrassed him. How he’d managed to screw this whole thing up so badly was beyond him, but Phil just didn’t know what to _do_. He didn’t know how to make it clear to Dan that Phil was into him and that he still wanted to date him, even after meeting in person. He didn’t know how to say that he didn’t want Dan to feel pressured to act a certain way, or perform any of the actions he’d said he would perform over Skype.

Phil just wanted Dan to be comfortable, no matter what that meant for Phil.

“What do you understand?” Phil asked, a little frustrated, but doing his best not to show it. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends sharply. He couldn’t seem to keep the distress off his face as he stared at Dan, who _still_ hadn’t dragged his face out of his hands. “Because I don’t understand anything. I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” he ended up huffing, deflating instantly. His voice was high pitched with nerves, echoing awkwardly off the thin walls of his bedroom.

Phil wanted to go to Dan’s side, wanted to take his shoulder in hand, and turn him to face Phil so he’d know that Phil wasn’t lying. That Phil meant what he said. He wanted to pull Dan into his arms, into a warm embrace, to reassure him, but he couldn’t, because he was afraid. He didn’t want to push Dan, didn’t want to _pressure_ him. He just wanted Dan to be okay.

Slowly, Dan drew his face out of his hands, but he didn’t turn back around to face Phil. Phil stared at his back, at the way the redness of his cheeks had creeped down his face and to the back of his neck. He stared at the soft, unmarked skin that he ached to touch, to _mark_ , and tried to ignore the way his heart was _pounding_ in his chest.

He just wanted things to be easy, to be normal. He just wanted to be able to be with Dan, in whatever capacity Dan would give him, no matter what that was. If all Dan really wanted anymore was friendship, Phil would take that. If Dan wanted to date him, Phil would take that too.

But he wanted _Dan_ to be comfortable with it.

Slowly, Dan turned around, eyes wide and doe-like as he stared at Phil. He didn’t say anything, didn’t seem to know _what_ to say. He just looked frightened, nervous, and Phil didn’t know what to do to calm him down, so he just offered him a small smile, hoping it would be enough.

“I, uhm,” Dan began, coughing when he seemed unable to go on. Slowly, he stood properly again, and turned the rest of the way around. He didn’t cross his arms over his chest like he had before. They hung limply at his sides, which Phil was choosing to take as a small victory. But his face was still red, and his eyes were still wide, and he didn’t look any less terrified.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil reassured him softly. He bit his lip uncertainly, trying to think of what to say to reassure Dan that he could tell Phil _anything_. “Is something wrong?” he asked shyly. Dan had been acting strange all day, and Phil was hoping that maybe now Dan would be willing to confront it.

Sure, Phil was terrified of what Dan was going to say, but he’d rather hear it then have to keep wondering if he was doing something wrong - if he was pressuring Dan into doing something that he didn’t actually want to do.

The question seemed to spark something in Dan, who inhaled sharply, his shoulders beginning to shake as he tried to get a hold of himself. His eyes squeezed shut, and then flew back open, and he stared at Phil with the same intensity as before.

“I’m just,” Dan began, halting quickly and biting his bottom lip again. His eyes flickered all over Phil’s face, before he finally released his lip and huffed a deep breath. “Scared,” he finished softly, his voice so quiet Phil almost didn’t hear him. Dan dropped his gaze and stared at the floor, his fingers digging into the sides of his thighs, gripping tight to his pajama bottoms.

Phil felt his heart sink. Now, he _really_ wanted to reach out and hold Dan, to cover his fingers with his own and make them relinquish their tight hold on his joggers. He wanted to soothe the pain away in the only way he knew how - physical touch.

But he couldn’t do that. Not now. Not yet.

“Scared of what?” Phil asked, trying desperately not to sound as desperate as he felt. His nerves were getting to him, his hands growing clammy and gross. Phil reached down to rub them dry against his own pajama bottoms.

He knew he sounded like a whiny little kid, and he probably looked incredibly distressed as well, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want Dan to be _afraid of him_. Licking at his lips thoughtlessly, Phil’s gaze bounced across Dan’s face rapidly, again and again and again.

Dan just stared back at him, biting his bottom lip _hard_ \- so hard Phil was afraid it might start to bleed. Dan’s fingers tightened in the fabric of his pajama bottoms, his eyes wide and very clearly terrified.

“Do you not like me?” Dan finally blurted out, the words coming as such a shock to Phil that his mouth fell open. Dan still wasn’t looking at him. His gaze was focused just off to the side, and he was shuffling his feet awkwardly in place, the nervous energy pouring out of him.

The words absolutely stunned Phil. He felt his mouth drop open in complete and utter shock, a little sound of bewilderment slipping from his throat. He didn’t even know _what_ to say, because the very idea of the question was completely ludicrous to him.

Finally, _finally_ , Dan met his gaze, but instead of feeling the relief Phil had thought he’d feel, he just felt _pain_ , because Dan’s eyes were filled with tears. There was a look of absolute _terror_ on Dan’s face, rejection permeating his features. Phil wanted nothing more than to soothe it all away.

“Oh, bear,” Phil finally managed to get out, the words coming out more as a gasp. Phil could feel his own tears burning at the backs of his eyes from the very idea that Dan might think Phil didn't like him, and he finally gave into his desire to touch Dan. Not bothering to hesitate again, Phil moved forward and pulled Dan securely into his arms.

This hug was almost as awkward as their first one, only this time Phil knew for sure it was just nerves. The warm touch brought back his smile, even if it _was_ a little sad, and he wrapped his arms securely around Dan’s waist.

Dan, for his part, didn’t seem to know how to hug someone properly. His upper body was carefully angled away from Phil’s, as if he didn’t think they were _allowed_ to touch, and his hands gripped Phil’s arms rather than wrapping around his neck or his waist. The stance couldn’t have been comfortable, and yet Dan seemed completely unyielding to Phil’s touch.

Unable to help himself, Phil giggled and tightened his hold on Dan’s waist. Gently, Phil pulled Dan in a little tighter against his body until they were properly touching - and suddenly Dan absolutely _melted_. It felt like his body had turned into complete putty against Phil, the way he completely relaxed into the hug.

He didn’t move his arms to embrace Phil back, but he seemed perfectly content to let Phil embrace him. Phil smiled, and buried his face into Dan’s hair. Not so subtly, Phil pressed a gentle kiss there - the way he’d been dying to do all day.

“How could you even think that?” Phil asked, hugging Dan a little tighter to him as Dan’s question echoed in his mind. There was no way that Phil could _not like Dan_. It was just absolutely impossible. Here Phil had been, worried that Dan might not like _him_ , and Dan had been thinking the exact same thing all day. It was absolutely ludicrous.

Phil had been perfectly ready to accept that Dan might not want him once they met in person. It was part of why he hadn’t wanted to make their relationship official until they actually met, because, well… Phil wasn’t really anything special. Dan, though… Dan was very special. Phil had known long before they’d planned to meet that he was absolutely _gone_ for this boy.

Dan expressing the fear that _Phil_ might not like _Dan_ was enough to make Phil feel a little more confident in actually expressing his feelings for Dan, though. He felt perfectly safe holding Dan like this, now that he knew Dan wanted it, and he was perfectly happy to press another sweet kiss to the top of Dan’s head.

“Silly boy,” Phil murmured, when Dan failed to answer him. His arms tightened on Dan’s waist, and he shifted his shoulder against Dan’s face until Dan’s chin hooked into the crevice, until Phil could feel the heat of Dan’s breath against his neck. Phil resettled his own head on top of Dan’s, and sighed again. His cheek pressed sweetly against soft curls. “Of course I like you. I just didn’t want to pressure you into anything,” he insisted.

Dan’s breath shuddered out of him and against Phil’s neck, his shoulders shaking against Phil’s chest. Phil could feel the way he trembled, could feel the warmth of Dan’s bare skin seeping into him, and he just held on tighter. He was smiling. He couldn’t _not_ smile, when he was holding Dan like this. Because he was finally holding Dan the way he wanted to be holding him.

“I _really_ like you,” Phil murmured after another beat had passed, and Dan had said nothing. The words were hushed, buried into the roots of Dan’s hair, but they were _there_. Dan shuddered against him again, but this time he started to relax, and the strange way he’d clutched at Phil’s arms disappeared. He let go, shuffling his arms more properly around Phil’s shoulders, until Dan was finally embracing him back.

And while Phil wished _this_ had been what their first embrace had been like, he wasn’t going to complain now that he finally had it.

“I really like you, too,” Dan finally responded, his voice muffled against Phil’s skin. His lips were brushing Phil’s neck, and Phil could _feel_ it as he said it, the sound and the sensation sparking through him. His heart jumped in his ribcage, and he giggled, unable to hold the sound back when he was so _fucking_ happy to hear those words come out of Dan’s mouth.

“I thought -” Dan began, mouth pressing tighter to Phil’s neck. He sounded a little choked up, a little disbelieving, as he tried to express himself. “I thought I wouldn’t be what you wanted,” he murmured, unsure of himself.

Phil blinked, surprised at the words. He didn’t even know what to say in answer to them, because that was exactly how he’d been feeling. Strangely, Phil felt himself begin to smile, amused at how ridiculous the pair of them had been.

Before he could respond, however, Dan continued. “I thought you were disappointed, when I -” Dan cut himself off, sounding like he was about to cry, and Phil tightened his arms around him.

Dan inhaled sharply, and tried again. “I thought if I was like how I was on skype, maybe you’d… like me, again,” he admitted, his voice beyond shy. A prickle of unease surged up Phil’s spine, because that was exactly what he’d been afraid Dan was doing. The very idea of it made Phil’s heart ache, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the negative. No. He needed to do something to cheer Dan up instead.

So he moved to press his lips sweetly against Dan’s ear, and pressed a light kiss there.

“I could never be disappointed in you, Dan,” he breathed softly, not bothering to hide the absolute awe in his voice. His lips quirked up as he prepared to get _super_ cheesy, and also make Dan laugh. “You’re amazing,” he added knowingly.

Just as Phil had hoped, Dan laughed, the sound a huff of hot breath against Phil’s neck. It was absolute music to Phil’s ears.

“No, that’s you,” Dan teased back, smacking Phil a little with the flat of his palm against Phil’s back.

Phil giggled, proud to have managed to make Dan laugh, and turned his head to kiss Dan softly on the cheek. The press of his lips against warm skin sent a zing through Phil, and his stomach erupted into butterflies. Dan’s skin was so soft and smooth that Phil never wanted to pull away, but he did, not wanting to make Dan too uncomfortable.

As he pulled away, Phil removed his arms from around Dan’s waist, and gently rested them against his hips instead. With a small nudge, Phil encouraged Dan to let go of Phil’s neck and back away, until they were stood close enough that they could look at each other’s faces.

Phil smiled, taking in the soft look on Dan’s face. His cheeks were still a little red, his eyes a bit wet, but he was finally smiling wide enough that Phil could see his dimple showing.

“Hi there,” Phil murmured sweetly, only for Dan’s cheeks to grow a darker red. The intimacy of the moment seemed to be too much for him, and he lowered his gaze so he wasn’t quite looking at Phil anymore.

Pouting, Phil reached for Dan’s chin and tipped his face up just a little so that he could look at him.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered, voice soft. “I like looking at your face,” he added, pointedly staring into Dan’s eyes despite the fact that Dan was _still_ stood there without a shirt on in front of Phil. The heat of his bare skin against Phil’s palm was _intoxicating_ , but the warmth of his brown eyes was so much better.

Dan’s breathing stuttered. Phil could feel it against his face, and he watched as Dan’s lips parted just the slightest bit. Phil wanted to kiss him so freaking bad, but he also wasn’t quite done talking just yet.

Licking his own lips to pull himself together, Phil scrambled to pull his thoughts together.

“You don’t have to lounge around half naked for me to like you,” he finally managed to say, a hint of teasing to his voice. The tip of Dan’s ears turned red in embarrassment, and he shifted as if he were going to pull out of Phil’s grasp, so Phil pushed on. “I mean, I’m not going to _stop_ you,” he insisted teasingly, tightening his hand against Dan’s hip in an attempt at reassurance him. “You’re really, _really_ fit, Dan,” he admitted, voice husky, _serious_.

He was still staring straight into Dan’s eyes, into the molten heat of them, and it nearly took Phil’s breath away. Growing a bit more sober, a bit more serious, Phil shifted his hand until he was cupping Dan’s cheek, instead of gripping his chin.

“But really, we don’t have to do anything. I told you. What we said on skype…”

Phil trailed off, his voice growing a little bit deeper as he thought about just _exactly_ what they’d said on Skype. They’d made a lot of promises, implied a lot of _desires_ , all things that Phil very much so wanted with Dan, but not just yet.

“We don't have to do any of that until you’re ready,” he whispered, his voice husky. He soothed his thumb against Dan’s cheek softly, sweetly, trying to show him just how seriously Phil meant that.

Because he didn’t want to do anything with Dan that Dan wasn’t one hundred percent ready for.

Dan licked his lips, staring up at Phil thoughtfully. HIs eyes were searching as he stared, but Dan didn’t look so much like he didn’t believe Phil. Mostly, he just looked like he was trying to puzzle something out. Maybe he was trying to figure out what exactly it was that he was ready for, or maybe he was just trying to decide if he wanted this at all, Phil didn’t know.

Whatever it was, Dan seemed to find it, as his body relaxed under Phil’s touch. A tension Phil hadn’t realized was there drained from Dan, made clear in the way his body seemed to go boneless under the hand Phil still had on his hip, and the way his face lit up with a small smile. Dan was pursing his lips cutely as if he were trying to hold all the emotion back, and his dimple was showing again.

Phil absolutely _adored_ the look.

“Okay,” Dan finally whispered, the sound tiny in the sudden quiet of the room. Phil’s heart was beating louder than Dan’s words. Slowly, as Dan stared at Phil, Dan bit his lip again - only this time he didn’t look unsure of himself. He just looked anticipatory.

So really, Phil shouldn’t have been surprised when Dan finally leaned up and pressed his chapped, bitten lips to Phil’s in the softest, chastest kiss Phil had ever experienced.

It was just a peck, a tentative touch of lips against lips. It happened so quickly that Phil barley had a chance to respond, but his eyes slipped closed regardless as Phil stopped to savour the moment. He knew he was grinning like an idiot as he reached up to touch his lips with the tips of his fingers, amazed that Dan had actually _kissed_ him.

Phil wanted to do it again.

The sound of Dan giggling broke Phil out of the spell he’d cast over him, and he opened his eyes slowly, taking in the way Dan was grinning up at him as well. Dan’s expression was almost _cheeky_ , but Phil didn’t even mind. Anything was better than the terror and the uncertainty that Dan had been experiencing all day.

Still. Phil couldn’t help but to tease him. He was just so _happy_ that he was bursting with it.

“That’s funny, is it?” Phil teased, releasing Dan’s hips. He was grinning and he knew it, eyes twinkling with mirth. “You think I’m silly?” he joked, waggling his eyebrows at Dan. “Or are you just proud of yourself for making me speechless?”

Dan was full on laughing now. His cheeks were flushed and he looked downright _pleased_ with himself, an expression Phil wanted to see for the rest of his life. He found himself laughing as well, living for this moment and this moment only. He hadn’t seen Dan look this happy since he’d _got_ here, and it was a total relief to Phil, who wanted nothing more than for Dan to feel as comfortable as possible around him.

Dan’s smug, _adorable_ look only really spurred Phil on. He wanted more of that beautiful laughter, wanted to see Dan smile for the rest of his life, and he lifted his hands to touch Dan’s bare sides. He didn’t waste a second before he dug his fingers in, starting to tickle Dan mercilessly.

Dan squealed loudly at the touch, immediately trying to squirm away, but Phil wasn’t having it. No, he wasn’t letting Dan get away that easy.

His heart was pounding in giddy relief, and he was laughing just as loud as Dan, completely overcome by it. They scuffled lightly against each other as Dan tried to avoid Phil’s squirming fingers, feet shuffling backwards until Dan’s back had hit a wall. Phil still didn’t stop tickling him, watching the way Dan’s chest heaved with laughter, loving the way he started to wheeze, his smile never once faltering, and his eyes glistening as he stared up at Phil.

Everything about the moment was absolutely _intoxicating_ , and Phil never wanted it to end.

But of course, it had too. Or at least, Phl having the upper hand had too.

Without warning, Dan dug his own fingers into Phil’s sides and started to tickle Phil back, just long enough that Phil dropped his hands from Dan’s side and gasped out his own choked laughter against Dan. Phil expected the onslaught to continue, expected Dan to want his revenge, but the moment that Phil set Dan free, Dan’s hands moved from his sides to bury themselves in Phil’s hair.

For the second time that night, Phil didn’t see the kiss coming. He was too busy grinning and trying to get himself back under control to see the fire in Dan’s eyes, the absolute determination, before their lips met again.

This kiss wasn’t quite as tentative as the first. Dan tilted his head immediately, and he used his grip on Phil’s hair to drag him in close until Phil was flush against him, pushing him into the wall. Phil couldn’t help but gasp at the sensation, hands flying out to find _something_ to hold onto. They ended up on Dan’s hips as Dan took Phil’s bottom lip between his and started to suck.

It wasn’t a harsh, sexy suck though. It was a sweet, gentle one. Everything about Dan in that moment was incredibly gentle, even the fingers tangled in Phil’s hair. His body was soft and pliable under Phil’s, his breathing a little rough, but his mouth soft and sure. Phil could already feel Dan panting against him, probably from the tickling only seconds earlier, but it sent a flush of pleasure through him anyway.

Phil shuddered against Dan, and his hands shifted upwards, fingers painting circles against Dan’s bare skin. He kissed Dan back just as softly, just as sweetly, trying to keep the tempo the same easy affection that Dan was giving him. His body felt like it was on fire, his stomach erupting into a million butterflies. He was breathless, weak to all that Dan was asking of him, and he never wanted this to stop.

Dan’s tongue swiped tentatively against Phil’s bottom lip, and Phil hummed, repeating the action and coaxing Dan’s tongue against his own. Dan tasted sweet, he tasted _heavenly_ , even though he tasted like nothing at all.

Phil’s body pressed in even tighter against Dan’s and he didn’t stop himself this time from running his hands up and down Dan’s sides. The feel of Dan’s body under his was reassuring, and the way Dan sighed quietly against Phil’s lips spoke volumes. Dan was definitely enjoying what Phil was doing, and if the press of their hips against each other was anything to go by, he was _definitely_ interested in it.

Phil shrugged the thought away, and did his best to focus on the here and now. Whatever happened, happened. But at least Phil could be reassured that whatever happened would be something that Dan _wanted_ , and not something he was doing just to impress Phil.

Still, he had no plans to push it. No, Phil was going to let Dan be in charge, was going to let Dan lead. So Phil kissed Dan, soft and sweet, his hands tracing wonderous patterns against Dan’s skin.

Each time that Dan pressed another kiss to Phil’s lips, each time that he swiped his tongue against Phil’s bottom lip, Phil felt his entire body react to it. His skin was buzzing with it all, his heart racing in his chest. The butterflies felt like something warmer, now, calmer and more affectionate. Phil found himself smiling against Dan’s lips.

He was finally getting to kiss Dan. For a while there, Phil had been afraid that he never would.

It took a long while for them to stop kissing. Phil never wanted it to end, and neither did Dan, it seemed. Their mouths came together again and again, the soft sounds of kissing filling up the near silence of the room. Everytime Phil tried to pull away, tried to stop and take stock of what was happening, maybe check in with Dan, Dan would chase his lips and Phil would let himself be drawn right back in.

How could he stop, when Dan didn’t want too?

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Dan drew back from Phil slowly, their mouths parting with a soft little pop. He didn’t go far, as Phil could feel Dan’s rough panting ghosting against Phil’s mouth. Phil could feel Dan solid against him, a warm pressure reminding Phil that Dan was really _here_.

He opened his eyes slowly to peer down at Dan, and he smiled when he realized that Dan looked proper relaxed for the first time all day. His body was lax against the wall, against Phil, and his face was nothing but extreme bliss. It was everything that Phil could have hoped for and more, and he reached up to cup Dan’s cheek gently with his hand.

Dan’s eyes flickered open slowly.

“Hey there,” he whispered, a mimicry of what Phil had said earlier. Dark eyes peered up at Phil, sultry and flirty the way Dan had so often looked over Skype.

Phil wasn’t worried anymore, though. They’d had their talk, and Phil thought Dan understood Phil wasn’t expecting anything from him. This… this was just Dan being Dan, the overwhelming flirt who always seemed to know just how to get Phil going.

Groaning a little, Phil rolled his eyes and leaned in for one last soft peck pressed to Dan’s lips.

“Come on, idiot,” Phil teased affectionately as he pulled away, “Let’s get in bed, and _not_ ,” Phil paused, emphasizing the word pointedly, “for anything other than sleeping!”

Dan pouted, face pulling the exaggerated puppy dog look that Dan always seemed to use on Phil. Phil felt his mouth go dry.

“What if I want too?” Dan teased, winking at Phil. His hand found Phil’s, finally tangling their fingers together the way Phil had wanted to all day. Slowly, Dan pushed himself away from the wall Phil had gotten him pressed up against, and led Phil over to his own messy bed sheets.

“Do you?” Phil asked, voice high and squeaky, unsure. He couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the long expanse of Dan’s bare back, but he did manage to catch Dan’s eye when he turned his head to smile at Phil.

“Not tonight,” Dan admitted easily, shrugging a little. Phil was just proud of the fact that Dan didn’t sound unsure anymore, that he sounded confident in his answer, and seemed to finally understand that Phil wasn’t going to push him. Phil’s heart swelled, and he grinned.

As Dan pulled them both down onto the bed, he rolled against Phil’s chest, tucking his head under Phil’s chin, and moving Phil’s arm to wrap around his waist.

“Maybe just… hold me, for a bit,” Dan whispered, voice small and filled with an emotion that Phil couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ name. He knew the emotion all too well, because he was feeling it too, right down to the tips of his toes. He just didn’t think now was the right time to voice it - for him or Dan.

So instead, Phil pulled Dan in closer, and shifted to adjust himself so they could both be comfortable, just like this.

“For as long as you want,” Phil agreed, voice a murmur in the sudden quiet of the room.

“Forever then,” Dan murmured back, shy, but not unsure. That was all that really mattered to Phil.

So long as Dan was comfortable, Phil would do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought, and come say [hi on tumblr!](http://auroraphilealis.tumblr.com)


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